Random Thoughts of the Slayer
by Star-Crossed Lover1
Summary: Just a short ficlet. Buffy thinks about things.


Author: Star-crossed lover  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Buffy/Spike   
Summary: Just a short ficlet. Buffy thinks about things.  
Disclaimer: The characters are Joss and co. I'm just using them for my personal entertainment, though I'd like to use Spike for more than that, but who wouldn't?  
Background: Sometime after "Crush".  
_Everything in italics is a thought._

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Random Thoughts of the Slayer

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What does it mean to love someone? I mean really, truly love them with all your heart and soul. …Or is that even necessary? A soul that is. …Do you have to have a soul to love someone? Spike doesn't have one, yet he claims to love me. Is it all a lie? A plan to hurt me again? Why do I even care one way or the other? It's not like he means anything to me anyway! …No, I'm just curious as to why he would say that. He's a demon. He's not capable of that. …Is he? 

If he is, this changes everything. If Spike really can love me, why couldn't Angelus? I know Angel loves me, so why couldn't HE? Unless it was his soul, but then how can Spike love? 

Wait. Back it up. I think it is possible. Well maybe. With Angel, it could have been his soul, not him. His essence. See, Angel was cursed with A soul, not necessarily HIS soul. The spell wasn't that specific. So maybe just the soul loved me, not the person. …I mean demon. Whatever. 

So does that mean that Spike can love me? …That demons can love? …Doesn't this go against the whole evil thing, though? …I mean, love can't be evil; it can't be dark. …Can it? 

Okay, maybe it can. Angelus, the demon, loved Darla, and Dru too I guess, in his own sick, twisted way. And Spike did stay with that crazy bitch Dru for a hundred years. He had to have loved her in some way. But if he can love, does that mean that he actually loves me like he says? 

Spike's never lied to me before; why would he now? It's not like this is an ideal situation. …Vampires and Slayers aren't supposed to fall in love. But who says? …The Watcher's Council, that's who. And we know that they've NEVER lied before. Ha. …Okay, so say that it can happen. Say that a Slayer can fall for a vampire and have it actually work out. Does that mean I'm supposed to give Spike a try? Are we meant for a happily ever after? 

Wait…No. I didn't just think that. I don't …I can't …No way can I …Okay, so it's true. I do. I really do love him. 

God, that was a strange epiphany. Okay, no more late night thinking. Nope. Makes too much sense to ever do it again. Now how am I going to tell him? …I can't just walk up and be all like 'hey Spike, I love you' and just fall into his arms. …Can I? …I don't know. It might work. …Or maybe I could stick with the less obvious approach and just chain him up like he did to me. 

Nah, he'd probably like it too much, but then again…Maybe. I'll just have to think about it some more first. Enough discoveries for one night. …But then again…The quicker I tell him, the quicker I get Spikey-goodness. …Hum…You know. It's still early. I think I need to go patrol. …Yeah, that's it. I'm going to go patrol and if I just happen to end up by his crypt…

"Dawnie. I'm going out for a while. Think you can be okay without me?"

"Yes. The fifteen year old can stay in her locked house with two powerful witches without her sister the Slayer."

"Ha, ha. Be back later. Don't wait up. I'm gonna patrol."

"Didn't you already do that tonight?" She yells as she hears the door slam shut.

**************

Buffy walked quickly to the cemetery, but stopped when she reached Spike's crypt. _Wait…What if he doesn't want me anymore? I did act like a royal bitch with a capital B. _She continues to simply stand there, staring at the door, not sure what to do. _Just get it over with. Go in there. Be a big girl. Tell Spike how you feel. _

After debating with herself for a few more minutes, Spike yells from within.

"Slayer, I know you're out there."

_Just walk away now. I can't do this._ Spike opened the door in front of her.

"So, are you goin' to come in luv? Or just stand outside of my crypt all night?'

"I'm thinking about it. Haven't decided yet."

"Fine. I'm going to go back inside. When you decide what you do want to do, shut the door."

With that, Spike turned around and walked back into his crypt. Buffy watched him walk off. _Nice ass. Mmmmm. …That does it. …I'm going in._ She followed after him and shut the door behind her.

"Um, Spike?"

Spike turned around and looked at her curiously.

"What do you want pet?"

"Um." _No. I can't do it._ "Never mind."

"Fine. Just come to bug me. Not allow me my peace and quiet."

While Spike is talking, he inches closer and closer to Buffy. Her heartbeat rises, which Spike can hear of course. _Wonder what's her problem? Never had this reaction before._ He continues to advance and senses it. The heat radiating off her body for him. He stops merely inches from her.

"I'll ask you again. What do you want Slayer?"

Buffy remains silent.

"Fine. If you won't talk. Leave."

Spike goes to turn around, but Buffy catches his arm and forces him to face her once again. She found her courage and pulls his mouth to hers in a searing kiss. When she pulls back to breathe, Spike looks at her dumbfounded. Buffy laughs uneasily.

"Finally found a way to shut you up."

"Sla-Buffy, what are you doing?"

"Kissing you."

She goes to pull him in for another kiss, which he allows, but shortly breaks it.

"Why pet? Thought you hated me?"

"No."

"Then what do you feel?"

Buffy pulls him to her again.

"I love you." She whispers.

Before he can answer, she captures his lips with hers once again. Neither speaks for a long time after that. Well at least not anything distinguishable between the cries of passion emanating from the crypt's lower level.

The End


End file.
